Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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