Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Jerry, you need to find god
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
