We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
