guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
