Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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