we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just gargled with NyQuil
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
