Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Come share oat with me in your robe
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
