The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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