It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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