I think i peed on brittanys purse
he thought i was a dude.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
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i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
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There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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