nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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