piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
