It's like God shit irony all over that family
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
