just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
