He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
