I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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