I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
