I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
