idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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