I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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