One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
