i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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