My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
