I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
