This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
