yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There r osticjed everywhere
We just shotgunned beers for America
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
