I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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