I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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