Got a toothbrush?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
