This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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