Plan B is the new Plan A
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
