don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
