Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
