I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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