My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
