if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
