i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
