Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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