4 words: hood of his car
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
