I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
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I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
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do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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