Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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