So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
