He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
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It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
how drunk are you?
Several
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize