So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
