check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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