Hey man sorry I got all grabby
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
