dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
As shirtless as possible
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
