you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
