i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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