Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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