i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
