I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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