I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
