Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
