i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
