you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
