i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
