he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
