And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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