Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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