is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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