he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
