Ketchup is God's man juice
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
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