Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
