I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
