Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
