Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
