we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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