she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the day after is always just damage control
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I need a beard to bite.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
