Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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