babies were throwing up all over the place
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
