The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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