Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
