I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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